How to Break the Cycle of Dating The Wrong Guys
"Breaking the cycle starts with knowing your worth—because you deserve a love that matches your heart, not your history." — Nichole Banks
Introduction:
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Ladies, let’s get real for a moment. Ever find yourself sitting across from a guy on a date, sipping your drink, thinking, "How did I end up here again?" If you're nodding in agreement, trust me, you're not alone! It’s like a bad rerun of Groundhog Day where you keep meeting the same kind of emotionally unavailable guy—just wrapped in a different package. Don’t worry; we’ve all been there. The good news? There’s a way out of this frustrating cycle! 🎉
In this post, we’re diving into why you might be attracting the wrong types of men and, more importantly, how you can stop this pattern once and for all. Ready to upgrade your dating game? Let’s go!
Step 1: Do the Self-Work First 💪
This might not sound glamorous, but trust me—doing the self-work is where the magic happens. It’s about getting clear on your own worth. If you’ve been settling for the guy who can’t commit, who treats you like an afterthought, or who, let’s face it, doesn’t even text back on time, it’s time to hit pause. You deserve so much more!
Remember this golden rule: You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. If you want a man who respects your boundaries and cherishes you, you need to respect and cherish yourself first. So, set those boundaries like the queen you are and don’t settle for anything less. 👑 (P.S. Need help with boundaries? Check out my Boundaries 101 course!)
Step 2: Identify Your Pattern 🧐
Let’s play a little detective game. Take a step back and look at your dating history—any recurring themes? Maybe you’re always drawn to the "fixer-upper" types or the guy who’s this close to being emotionally available, but never quite makes it. Or maybe you keep attracting the commitment-phobe who loves to keep things "casual." (Yawn.)
Once you spot the pattern, you can avoid falling into it again. And girl, trust me, nothing changes until you do. So break that cycle, and let’s find you someone who doesn’t require constant “fixing.”
Step 3: Heal Those Old Wounds 💖
Oh yes, we’re going there. It’s time to take a look at what’s hiding beneath the surface. Sometimes, our dating choices stem from old wounds—whether it’s past relationships, childhood experiences, or even that time in middle school when your crush ignored you at the dance (hey, it happens!).
These unresolved feelings can cloud your judgment, making you more likely to settle for less than you deserve. Take time to heal and love yourself fully before jumping into something new. The right person will come when you’ve done the inner work—and, trust me, they’ll be worth the wait.
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Step 4: Change Your Mindset 💫
This is a big one, so listen closely: the type of guy you attract reflects what you believe about yourself. If deep down, you think you're not worthy of love, that belief will show up in your dating life. You’ll end up with guys who reinforce that negative belief by treating you poorly. Ouch.
The flip side? Once you shift your mindset and start believing that you deserve the love you give, everything changes. You’ll attract a partner who aligns with your new, higher standards. So say it with me: I am worthy of love and I won’t settle for less!
Step 5: Take Action—No More Settling 🚀
Alright, it’s time to walk the talk. You’ve done the self-work, you’ve spotted the patterns, you’ve healed the wounds, and you’ve changed your mindset. Now, let’s put it all into practice. The next time you find yourself on a date with a guy who disrespects the waitstaff, talks only about himself, or doesn’t make you feel valued—leave. You owe him nothing!
Trust me, once you stop settling, you’ll be amazed at how quickly the right kind of love comes into your life. You deserve someone who treats you like a queen, and that kind of guy is out there, waiting for a confident, radiant woman like you.
4 Common Questions Women Ask About Breaking the Cycle of Dating the Wrong Guy.
Q: Why do I keep attracting the same type of guy?
A: It can feel frustrating, right? Often, we’re drawn to what feels familiar, even if it’s not healthy. If you’ve been in a string of similar, unsatisfying relationships, you might be repeating old emotional patterns without even realizing it. The first step to breaking this cycle is recognizing these patterns and consciously choosing to change the way you approach relationships. Reflect on your past and what you’re really looking for in a partner.
Q: Are all the good guys taken?
A: It may seem like the dating pool is running low, but the truth is, great guys are out there! Sometimes we overlook them because they don’t fit our usual “type.” Instead of focusing on finding any guy, shift your attention to finding the right guy—someone who aligns with your values and treats you with respect. The good ones are often hiding in plain sight, so stay open and patient.
Q: How can I tell if a guy is worth my time early on?
A: Pay attention to his consistency. Is he following through on his promises? Does he respect your time and boundaries? A guy worth investing in won’t leave you wondering where you stand. If he makes you feel secure, valued, and genuinely interested in knowing you, he’s likely a keeper. Trust your gut—if something feels off, it probably is.
Q: What if I’m scared of being alone?
A: Being afraid of loneliness is totally natural, but here’s the thing: learning to be happy on your own is a game-changer. When you feel fulfilled by your own company, you’re less likely to settle for someone who doesn’t deserve you. Start by focusing on what makes you happy—when you’re content solo, you’ll be in a much better place to attract the right partner.
Ready to Heal and Move Forward?
If you’re feeling lost, hurt, or unsure of your next steps, know that you don’t have to navigate this alone. My course, How to Navigate Heartache, Healing, and Love After Divorce, is designed to help you rebuild your life after betrayal. With actionable advice, emotional support, and a community of women who understand exactly what you’re going through, you’ll find the strength to heal and move forward. 💪✨
Let’s take this journey together—because you deserve to love and be loved without fear or doubt. 💖
Final Thoughts
Breaking the cycle of attracting the wrong guys is totally doable, and it starts with you. By doing the inner work, recognizing your patterns, and raising your standards, you’ll be well on your way to attracting the kind of love that truly lights you up.
And remember, you’ve got this! Dating doesn’t have to feel like an emotional rollercoaster—when you know your worth, it becomes a whole lot more fun. 😉
So, here's your homework: take these steps to heart, start treating yourself like the prize you are, and get ready to attract that next-level love.
Until next time, stay fabulous, my beautiful friends! 💖
With love and strength,
Nichole Banks
Divorce Coach & Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Dare to begin your journey to healing, happiness, and new beginnings. ✨
Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Creator of the Boundaries 101 Course
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P.S. If you’re ready to dive deeper into this work, be sure to check out my Boundaries 101 course and let’s level up together!
The Nichole Banks Podcast:
The Nichole Banks Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the ups and downs of life after divorce with a fresh perspective and a sprinkle of fun. Hosted by Nichole Banks, a divorce recovery coach and transformation expert, this podcast is all about empowering you to embrace new beginnings and find joy in the journey. Each episode blends practical advice, personal anecdotes, and a touch of humor to help you tackle life's challenges and rediscover your inner strength.
In recent episodes, Nichole has tackled a variety of crucial topics. Episode 83. How to Completely Reinvent Your Wardrobe and Personal Style, explores how to embrace life’s clothing options with optimism and grace. Episode 80. How to Heal From the Things No One Ever Apologized For, dives into setting healthy boundaries to safeguard your emotional well-being. If you’re grappling with loneliness, Episode 74. Focus on Your Results, Not Your Failures”, offers practical strategies to help you flourish on your own.
Tune in to The Nichole Banks Podcast for inspiration, actionable insights, and a supportive community ready to cheer you on. Each episode is designed to help you heal, grow, and embrace your best self.
