The First Holiday Without Us

“The first holiday without ‘us’ isn’t a failure — it’s the beginning of finding yourself again.” – Nichole Banks

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The First Holiday Without Us

Grief • Nostalgia • New Traditions for Your New Beginning

The first holiday after a divorce or breakup feels different.
Heavier. Louder. Quieter.
Like the world is celebrating — and you're trying not to crack in the middle of it.

Everyone talks about the logistics of divorce.
But no one talks about the first holiday without “us.”

The truth is:
Holiday grief hits in layers.
Memories. Traditions. Photos. Songs.
Little landmines hidden inside cinnamon candles and Christmas commercials.

And girl… if you’re feeling all of that right now?
You’re not broken.
You’re human.

Why Holidays Hurt More Than Any Other Time

Holidays amplify EVERYTHING.
Joy. Pain. Gratitude. Loneliness.
It’s all louder.

But for divorced women, the holidays carry extra weight.

You're grieving:
• The family you thought you’d have forever
• The routines and rituals that made you feel grounded
• The version of yourself that belonged to that old life
• The dream you were holding onto long after the relationship died

No one warns you how much a Christmas song can sting.
Or how heavy a quiet Thanksgiving morning feels.
Or how weird it is to suddenly have two sets of stockings instead of one.

Holiday grief is a unique ache —
because memories don’t ask permission to come back.

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My First Holiday Alone (The Raw Story)

The first holiday after my divorce…
I woke up to a house so still it felt hollow.
No coffee brewing.
No conversation.
No plan.

I sat on the couch staring at the same Christmas tree we used every year.
But something felt wrong.
It didn’t feel like “ours,” and it didn’t feel like “mine.”
It felt like a relic from another life.

And girl… I tried so hard to play it cool.
But I cried into my scrambled eggs — and blamed it on “seasoning.”

Losing a relationship is one thing.
Losing the traditions attached to it?
That’s a whole different kind of heartbreak.

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Nostalgia… The Beautiful, Brutal Part

Nostalgia is love mixed with loss.
It makes you remember all the good moments
and forget all the reasons it ended.

It can make you think:
“Maybe it wasn’t that bad.”
“Maybe we should’ve tried harder.”
“Maybe I really did ruin everything.”

But girl — nostalgia is a highlight reel, not the truth.

You’re allowed to treasure the memories
without returning to the relationship.

You can love who you were —
and still walk away from who you are no longer meant to be.

Humor to Breathe Through the Pain

Let’s be honest —
some holiday moments are straight out of a sitcom.

Like when someone says:
“You’re welcome to join us… if you don’t want to be alone.”

Awesome.
Thanks for treating me like a seasonal stray cat.

Or when family members whisper behind your back:
“Do we get her a gift? Do we get her AND him a gift? Do we get the kids two?”

Girl — the Christmas chaos is real.

Sometimes all you can do is laugh,
pour a glass of wine,
and remind yourself:
“This was not in my marriage vows, but here we are.”

Ready to Go Deeper?

If this article hit home (and maybe hit a few nerves in the best way), don’t stop here. This kind of healing deserves support, community, and real tools—not just inspiration.

🎧 Listen to the full podcast episode at the top of the page!
💻 Explore my courses, women’s retreats, and the Dare to Begin Membership at nicholebanks.com
👯‍♀️ And don’t forget to share this with a friend who needs a reminder that healing is not a solo sport.

Healing Through New Traditions

The first holiday alone can be the start of something beautiful —
when you give yourself permission to rebuild.

Here are gentle, grounding ways to make this season yours:

1. Let the morning be slow.

Make coffee.
Play soft music.
Sit with your heart without rushing it.

2. Change the environment.

Don’t keep decorations that feel heavy or triggering.
Choose items that reflect who you’re becoming.

3. Create moments of connection.

Call your best friend.
FaceTime someone who loves you.
Have a small dinner with people who feel like home.

4. Honor the grief.

Crying doesn’t mean you’re going backwards.
It means you’re moving through the loss instead of suppressing it.

5. Give yourself a “You Day.”

Movies.
Sweats.
Hot cocoa.
Baking.
Napping.
Reading.

Healing doesn’t have to look pretty —
it has to feel good.

6. Build a new tradition — just one.

A yearly letter to your future self.
A walk at sunrise.
A holiday playlist of songs that match your energy.
A special meal that’s just for YOU.

This is how you reclaim your holidays —
one gentle tradition at a time.

The Moment Everything Shifted for Me

My turning point was the day I told myself:
“Okay… this is us now. And it’s going to be okay.”

I stopped recreating what was.
I started honoring what IS.

And girl, that’s when I realized:
New beginnings are quieter than we expect —
but no less powerful.

Your Pep Talk (Read This Twice)

You are not behind.
You are not forgotten.
You are not failing.

You’re grieving —
and grieving means you loved deeply.

The holidays won’t always hurt like this.
One day, the heaviness turns to warmth.
One day, the memories stop stinging and start softening.
One day, the holidays become YOURS again.

And girl…
that day is coming.
Sooner than you think.

Your Next Step in Healing

Presale for my book How to Navigate Heartache, Healing & Love After Divorce is NOW OPEN — and it launches January 6th, 2026.

If you’re navigating grief, loneliness, or holiday heartbreak, this book will be the soft place your heart needs.

And if you want deeper tools, join one of my courses at nicholebanks.com — especially Boundaries 101 and Confidence Looks Good On You.

Dare to Begin,
Nichole 💛

Divorce Coach & Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
✨ Creator of the Boundaries 101 Course
🌐 NicholeBanks.com

💛 Loved this post? Send it to your bestie or someone who needs a reminder that they’re allowed to start over—and that brave is always in style.

The Nichole Banks Podcast:

Looking for a podcast that’s equal parts empowering and fun? The Nichole Banks Podcast is your ultimate guide to thriving after divorce. Hosted by Nichole Banks—a divorce recovery coach who’s been there, done that, and found love again—this show is packed with real talk, practical tips, and a dash of humor to keep it light.

Recent fan favorites include:
🎙️ Episode: 107. How to Build Trust Again after a Bad Divorce?
🎙️ Episode: 103. Boundaries with Michaela Gaffin Stone
🎙️ Episode: 100. The Real Pain of Not Changing

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