The Ugly Truth About Jealousy: How It Can Take Over—and How You Can Take Your Power Back
"Jealousy is just a mirror reflecting what you think you lack—but remember, you already hold the power to create your own happiness." – Nichole Banks
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Introduction:
Jealousy. We’ve all been there. It’s that gnawing, ugly feeling that can make even the most confident of us feel insecure and unsettled. But have you ever noticed how jealousy can start small—like a little spark—and then, before you know it, it’s a raging wildfire threatening to burn down your entire sense of self?
It’s scary stuff, and if you’ve watched shows like Snapped, Dateline, or 20/20, you know that jealousy can push people to the edge. The fact is, jealousy can consume us if we let it. But here’s the good news—you don’t have to let it.
In this week’s episode of The Nichole Banks Podcast, we’re talking all about jealousy, how it can take hold after a breakup or divorce, and—most importantly—how to break free from its grip. And trust me, I’ve been there, so I’m sharing my personal story and the steps that helped me heal.
Let’s break it down.
When Jealousy Feels Like It’s Taking Over Your Life
Picture this: you see your ex with someone new. She’s young—so young she doesn’t even know how to blend her makeup. And suddenly, the life you once had, the life you thought was yours forever, is now hers. The restaurants you loved, the trips you took, the inside jokes—it’s like your entire existence has been handed to someone else on a silver platter.
I remember seeing my ex’s new girl for the first time. She looked so young and carefree, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought, “Why her and not me?” It wasn’t just about her age; it was about feeling replaced, like I was disposable. That’s the thing about jealousy—it taps into your deepest insecurities.
And we’ve seen what happens when jealousy takes over. Shows like Snapped aren’t just for entertainment; they’re real-life reminders that jealousy can push people to their breaking points. It’s powerful. But here’s what we need to remember: you are more powerful than your jealousy.
Jealousy Is a Mirror of Your Fears
The truth about jealousy is that it’s rarely just about the other person. It’s a mirror reflecting your own fears and insecurities. For me, it wasn’t really about her—it was about feeling like I wasn’t good enough, like I’d lost something that defined me.
But the more I sat with those feelings, the more I realized something: it wasn’t that I wanted him back. It was that I wanted to feel worthy again. And that’s when the healing started.
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How to Take Your Power Back from Jealousy
So, how do you stop jealousy from running your life?
It starts with acknowledging that feeling. Yes, you’re jealous. Yes, it hurts. But don’t stay there. It’s time to shift that focus back to you. Here are some steps that helped me reclaim my power:
Stop Comparing
It’s time to stop stalking their social media and playing the comparison game. Every time you focus on what she has or what they’re doing, you’re giving away your energy. Turn that energy inward and start focusing on what makes you happy.Get Honest with Yourself
What is your jealousy really about? Is it about feeling replaced? Is it about self-worth? Dig deep and figure out the root of it. Once you do, you can start healing that part of yourself instead of fixating on them.Set New Goals
Start setting goals that are about you. Whether it’s pursuing a new hobby, building your career, or improving your mental and physical health, focus on creating the life you want.Use Jealousy as Fuel
Jealousy can be a powerful motivator if you let it. Instead of letting it tear you down, let it push you forward. Every time you feel that pang of envy, use it as a reminder to focus on your growth and healing.
Your Future Is Yours—Not Theirs
The bottom line is this: jealousy is temporary, but your healing is forever. Her happiness doesn’t take away from yours, and your future is still yours to create. Don’t let jealousy rob you of your peace. Instead, let it remind you of your strength and your ability to rebuild.
Ready to Dive Deeper?
If this resonates with you, and you’re ready to reclaim your power and stop waiting for closure, I’ve got more for you. In my Boundaries 101 course, I go even deeper into how you can protect your energy, set healthy boundaries, and start healing on your terms. Check it out on my website nicholebanks.com and let’s take this healing journey together.
And if you haven’t already, make sure to listen to the full podcast episode on this topic! I share even more about my own journey and some powerful insights to help you start creating your own peace. You can listen here or wherever you get your podcasts.
Listen to the Full Podcast Episode
If you’re ready to dive deeper and hear more about my own experience with jealousy—and how I overcame it—be sure to check out this week’s episode of The Nichole Banks Podcast. I get real, raw, and vulnerable about my journey, and I’m sharing even more tips on how you can take your power back from jealousy.
Scroll back to the top of this page to listen now, and remember—you’ve got this.
With love and strength,
Nichole Banks
Divorce Coach & Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Dare to begin your journey to healing, happiness, and new beginnings. ✨
Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Creator of the Boundaries 101 Course
Don’t forget to subscribe to NicholeBanks.com for weekly tips and fun updates!
P.S. If you’re ready to dive deeper into this work, be sure to check out my Boundaries 101 course and let’s level up together!
The Nichole Banks Podcast:
The Nichole Banks Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the ups and downs of life after divorce with a fresh perspective and a sprinkle of fun. Hosted by Nichole Banks, a divorce recovery coach and transformation expert, this podcast is all about empowering you to embrace new beginnings and find joy in the journey. Each episode blends practical advice, personal anecdotes, and a touch of humor to help you tackle life's challenges and rediscover your inner strength.
In recent episodes, Nichole has tackled a variety of crucial topics. Episode 83. How to Completely Reinvent Your Wardrobe and Personal Style, explores how to embrace life’s clothing options with optimism and grace. Episode 80. How to Heal From the Things No One Ever Apologized For, dives into setting healthy boundaries to safeguard your emotional well-being. If you’re grappling with loneliness, Episode 74. Focus on Your Results, Not Your Failures”, offers practical strategies to help you flourish on your own.
Tune in to The Nichole Banks Podcast for inspiration, actionable insights, and a supportive community ready to cheer you on. Each episode is designed to help you heal, grow, and embrace your best self.
