Bad Advice We've All Heard Post-Divorce
"Closure isn’t something you find from others—it’s the peace you create within yourself when you choose to let go and move forward." – Nichole Banks
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Hey there, ladies! We’re back with a fun, no-nonsense blog and I’m diving into some of the worst advice we’ve all gotten after divorce and why you can safely ignore it. Trust me, we’ve all heard the clichés. Some might even sound sweet or motivational, but let’s be real—these gems don’t always help you heal or move forward in the best way. So, let’s spill the tea, shall we?
1. "Just put yourself out there!"
Oh, how many times have we heard this one? “Just put yourself out there!” It’s the advice that seems to come with the assumption that just being “out there” means healing will magically happen. Newsflash: after a divorce, the last thing you need is to dive headfirst into the dating pool like you’re on Survivor: Tinder Edition. Your heart has just been shattered and you’re not ready for a game of emotional Russian roulette.
Real advice: Take your time. Focus on YOU. Heal. Discover who you are outside of the relationship you left behind. When you’re emotionally, mentally, and even physically ready to meet new people, you’ll know. The key is feeling good about being on your own first. If you’re rolling your eyes at every love song on the radio, maybe it's not the time for dates just yet.
2. "You’ll meet someone when you least expect it."
Ah, yes—the famous grocery store romance. You know, where you're looking like a hot mess in a college sweatshirt, glasses on, debating whether to buy vanilla or hazelnut creamer for your coffee, and somehow your soulmate is supposed to magically appear. Spoiler alert: it’s not going to happen like that.
Real advice: Instead of waiting for love to strike like a lightning bolt in aisle 5, focus on doing what you love—whether that’s pottery, yoga, or even exploring a new hobby. That’s where you’ll meet like-minded people who could actually make a good match. Plus, you might just walk away with a cool vase or a great new friendship!
3. "You’re too picky!"
Oh, Karen. I see you. But hear me out: being “picky” is actually a GOOD thing. You're not shopping at a clearance sale where you just grab whatever’s left over. No, honey. You're building a life, and you're allowed to be picky! That’s how you avoid marrying another walking red flag. When you know your worth, you’re not settling for anything less than what you deserve.
Real advice: It's not about being picky—it's about being intentional. Get clear on what you actually want in a partner. Don’t settle for “fun” or “good enough.” Wait for someone who matches your values and treats you like the queen you are. Standards aren’t the enemy, ladies. Being intentional is.
4. "Time heals all wounds."
Let’s call this one out for what it is: complete BS. Time doesn’t heal anything if you’re just waiting around and stuffing your emotions in a drawer. If you’ve been putting your feelings on the backburner, guess what? They’ll come back with a vengeance when you least expect it, ruining your next glass of wine.
Real advice: It’s not about time—it’s about what you do with it. Use your time wisely. Heal intentionally. Take up new hobbies, work on yourself, and make sure you’re feeling your feelings, not avoiding them. Trust me, when you stop letting time drag on passively, you'll see real progress. If you’re stuck, call up a friend and get out of the house. I mean it. Dirty hair, pajamas, the whole thing. Just go.
5. "You need closure!"
Oh, the elusive "closure" everyone seems to crave. Here's the truth: closure isn’t something that magically appears in a nice little bow, especially when you’re waiting for it from someone who may never give it to you. Sometimes, the best closure is realizing that you don’t actually need it from anyone but yourself.
Real advice: Closure looks different for everyone. Maybe it's journaling about your feelings, getting rid of old stuff, or even taking yourself on a solo vacation (ahem, yes, I did this in Italy, and it was an emotional rollercoaster!). The key is to remember that closure isn’t an apology—it’s about your own growth and how you move forward. So go ahead, take that solo trip, or do whatever it takes to find peace in your journey.
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If you’re tired of getting bad advice that only sets you back, I want to remind you: healing isn’t linear, but it can be more effective when you trust your own process and stop listening to the noise. You don’t have to rush it, and you definitely don’t have to settle. Your story is yours to write.
I hope this episode (and this blog) helped clear up some of that well-meaning but totally misguided advice we get after divorce.
Ladies, take it from me: heal at your own pace, be intentional about your life and your love, and always remember—you've got this!
Until next time, Dare to Begin!
If you need more support or want to dive deeper into these topics, check out my latest course, How to Navigate Heartache, Healing & Love After Divorce, or join my community in How to Navigate Facebook group. And don’t forget to grab your copy of my upcoming book (details coming soon)! You’ve got this, and I’m here to help you every step of the way.
Ready to Dive Deeper?
If this resonates with you, and you’re ready to reclaim your power and stop waiting for closure, I’ve got more for you. In my Boundaries 101 course, I go even deeper into how you can protect your energy, set healthy boundaries, and start healing on your terms. Check it out on my website nicholebanks.com and let’s take this healing journey together.
And if you haven’t already, make sure to listen to the full podcast episode on this topic! I share even more about my own journey and some powerful insights to help you start creating your own peace. You can listen here or wherever you get your podcasts.
Until next time, Dare to Begin!
If you need more support or want to dive deeper into these topics, check out my latest course, How to Navigate Heartache, Healing & Love After Divorce, or join my community in How to Navigate Facebook group. And don’t forget to grab your copy of my upcoming book (details coming soon)! You’ve got this, and I’m here to help you every step of the way.
With love and strength,
Nichole Banks
Divorce Coach & Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Dare to begin your journey to healing, happiness, and new beginnings. ✨
Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Creator of the Boundaries 101 Course
Don’t forget to subscribe to NicholeBanks.com for weekly tips and fun updates!
P.S. If you’re ready to dive deeper into this work, be sure to check out my Boundaries 101 course and let’s level up together!
The Nichole Banks Podcast:
The Nichole Banks Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the ups and downs of life after divorce with a fresh perspective and a sprinkle of fun. Hosted by Nichole Banks, a divorce recovery coach and transformation expert, this podcast is all about empowering you to embrace new beginnings and find joy in the journey. Each episode blends practical advice, personal anecdotes, and a touch of humor to help you tackle life's challenges and rediscover your inner strength.
In recent episodes, Nichole has tackled a variety of crucial topics. Episode 83. How to Completely Reinvent Your Wardrobe and Personal Style, explores how to embrace life’s clothing options with optimism and grace. Episode 80. How to Heal From the Things No One Ever Apologized For, dives into setting healthy boundaries to safeguard your emotional well-being. If you’re grappling with loneliness, Episode 74. Focus on Your Results, Not Your Failures”, offers practical strategies to help you flourish on your own.
Tune in to The Nichole Banks Podcast for inspiration, actionable insights, and a supportive community ready to cheer you on. Each episode is designed to help you heal, grow, and embrace your best self.
