💡" Fear doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path—it means you’re on to something big." – Nichole Banks

Scared to Change But Craving More? Here’s How to Move Forward Anyway (Without Losing Your Mind)

By Nichole Banks | Divorce Coach & Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast

Let’s have a little coffee chat, shall we?

You’ve made it through divorce—which, by the way, is basically like surviving an emotional hurricane wearing stilettos. So why, after all you’ve already endured, does the idea of making a big change now make your knees buckle and your confidence hide under the bed?

You’re not alone. So many women I coach feel this way.
You’re craving something new, something more, but that old familiar feeling of fear keeps whispering in your ear like a dramatic soap opera villain:
“Darling… what if it all goes wrong?”

But here’s the twist I want you to hear loud and clear:

💡 Fear doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path—it means you’re on to something big.

Ready to Find Love Again After Divorce? 💕

Take the quiz and find out! ✨ You’ve been through the heartache, done the healing, and now you’re wondering…is it time to open your heart again? This quick quiz will give you the clarity you need!

Whether you’re ready to swipe right or still building up that confidence, this is your chance to see where you stand on your journey to finding love again. 💖

Let’s see if love is calling your name—are you ready? Take the quiz now! 📝

Let’s Talk About the Fear (Because It’s Real, But It’s Not the Boss)

Fear is kind of like that one friend who means well but makes everything sound like a disaster.

• “You’re going to put yourself back out there and DATE?! What if you get ghosted?”

• “Start a new job in your 40s? You’ll never keep up with the TikTok generation.”

• “What if you fail and everyone sees?”

Yeah… fear’s a little dramatic.

But guess what? That voice in your head is not your intuition. Intuition is calm, wise, and grounded. Fear? Fear is wearing a bathrobe and eating ice cream straight from the carton while doom-scrolling WebMD.

So what do we do with fear when it shows up?

We don’t fight it—we face it. We get curious.

Let’s Ask the Big (and Juicy) Questions

Get a journal. Or the notes app on your phone. Or a napkin—whatever works. Just ask yourself:

✨ What is it I really want, deep down, that I’m afraid to admit?
✨ What would I do if I wasn’t scared?
✨ What am I more afraid of: trying and failing, or never trying and always wondering?
✨ Who told me I had to play it safe, and why am I still listening to them?
✨ What’s one thing I could do today that my future self would be proud of?

And here’s the real kicker:

🌟 What if fear isn’t the problem? What if it’s the compass pointing to your next breakthrough?

Why Change Feels Extra Hard After Divorce

After divorce, change feels like stepping into a room full of mirrors—you’re constantly catching glimpses of the past while trying to move forward. And because you’ve already been through so much, the brain wants to cling to anything that feels safe—even if that “safe” is… meh.

You might even hear yourself thinking things like:

• “I should just be grateful I survived.”

• “Maybe this is as good as it gets.”

• “What if I mess it up again?”

Oh, sweet friend. Let me tell you something I know from walking this path twice:

🖤 Survival is step one. But you were made for so much more than just surviving. You were made to thrive.

You were made for joy, love, passion, confidence, and a whole second act full of YES moments.

How to Start Changing When It Feels Terrifying

Alright, let’s bring it down to Earth with some practical magic. Here’s how to start creating change without lighting your life on fire:

1. Start with Micro-Moves

Change doesn’t mean you sell all your stuff and move to Italy (unless you want to—then call me). Sometimes it looks like:

• Saying no to something that drains you.

• Wearing lipstick on a Tuesday for no reason.

• Signing up for that workshop you’ve been thinking about for six months.

• Listening to a podcast episode instead of that crime show that leaves you paranoid.

2. Borrow Some Courage

Not feeling brave? That’s okay. Confidence is like a muscle—it gets stronger with reps. Until then, borrow belief from someone else. A coach. A podcast. A course. A sister-friend who reminds you who the heck you are.

3. Use Fear as a Flashlight

Every time fear shows up, ask it:
"What are you trying to protect me from, and is that really a threat?"

Spoiler: Usually it’s protecting you from judgment, failure, or discomfort. But none of those things are fatal.

Embarrassment won’t kill you. Growth that’s messy and awkward won’t either. But staying stuck might just dull your shine, and we cannot have that.

Real Talk: What Happens If You Don’t Change?

Let’s go there. What happens if you stay exactly where you are? Same routine. Same mindset. Same fear calling the shots.

Still stuck. Still wondering. Still hoping someday feels like less of a risk.

But someday isn’t a date on the calendar. It’s a decision.

And I want you to decide—right now—that you are worthy of change. You are capable of more. You are not too old, too late, too broken, or too much.

Your Dare of the Day

💥 I dare you to pick one small action that scares you just enough to make you feel alive.
💥 Write it down.
💥 And then do it. Even if your hands shake.

Here’s mine: I once dared to love again after two divorces. Spoiler? It was worth it. And so are you.

Want More Support on This Journey?

🎙️ Listen to The Nichole Banks Podcast – Your go-to for bold conversations, healing tips, and feel-good guidance from a coach who's been there, done that, and wrote the blog about it.
👉 Click here to tune in!

🎓 Take the Course: "How to Navigate Heartache, Healing, and Love After Divorce" – If you’re done with fear calling the shots and ready to take your power back (even if it’s one baby step at a time), this course is your new best friend.
👉 Explore the course here!

So, what do you say?

Let’s stop waiting for permission.
Let’s stop letting fear pretend it's in charge.
Let’s dare to begin—scared, brave, messy, magical.

Because you, my dear, are not just ready for change.

You’re overdue for it.

Nichole Banks xx
Divorce Coach & Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Dare to begin your journey to healing, happiness, and new beginnings. ✨
Creator of the Boundaries 101 Course
Follow Me:
Instagram: @msnicholebanks
Website: nicholebanks.com

Don’t forget to subscribe to NicholeBanks.com for weekly tips and fun updates!

P.S. If this post resonated with you, share it with someone who might need a little nudge to embrace change. Let’s spread the love—and the courage. 💛

The Nichole Banks Podcast:

Looking for a podcast that’s equal parts empowering and fun? The Nichole Banks Podcast is your ultimate guide to thriving after divorce. Hosted by Nichole Banks—a divorce recovery coach who’s been there, done that, and found love again—this show is packed with real talk, practical tips, and a dash of humor to keep it light.

Recent fan favorites include:
🎙️ Episode: 107. How to Build Trust Again after a Bad Divorce?
🎙️ Episode: 103. Boundaries with Michaela Gaffin Stone
🎙️ Episode: 100. The Real Pain of Not Changing

Ready to laugh, learn, and level up? Subscribe to The Nichole Banks Podcast—your new best friend in your earbuds. ✨