Thanksgiving on Your Terms: Navigating Family Gatherings Without a Side of Drama.

"Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be about meeting everyone else’s expectations. This year, make it about your peace, your joy, and your healing. You deserve a holiday that feels good for you." – Nichole Banks

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Hello Beautiful,

The holidays can be a mixed bag—especially when it comes to family gatherings. Thanksgiving, with its promise of delicious food, cozy vibes, and good company, can quickly turn into a pressure cooker of emotions and family drama. But this year, I’m giving you permission to do Thanksgiving your way. No guilt, no stress—just a day that feels good for you.

As a divorce coach, I know how tough it can be to navigate family dynamics during the holidays, especially when you’re healing. Whether you're dealing with a recent breakup, the absence of a loved one, or just the emotional rollercoaster that often accompanies family get-togethers, it’s important to take charge of your experience and set clear boundaries.

Here’s how you can enjoy Thanksgiving on your own terms—without the drama.The Hard Truth About Toxic Behavior

When we’re hurt, we lash out. Sometimes it’s subtle—a snarky comment here, a cold shoulder there. Other times, it’s loud and dramatic, like airing grievances on social media for all to see. It’s natural to want validation when we’re struggling, but when that need turns into bitterness or pettiness, it’s a sign we’ve got some work to do. Here’s the thing: owning your behavior doesn’t mean excusing what others did to hurt you. It just means acknowledging the power you have over your actions and emotions.

1. Set Your Thanksgiving Intentions

Let’s start with intention-setting. What do you want this Thanksgiving to feel like? Do you want it to be relaxing and peaceful? Or maybe fun and laid-back? The first step to avoiding stress is knowing exactly what kind of day you’re after. Forget about what’s expected of you or what everyone else is doing—this day is about YOU.

If you know that the big family dinner will bring up too much stress or pressure, give yourself permission to skip it. Instead, try hosting a Friendsgiving, planning a solo day of reflection, or simply staying home with your favorite comfort foods. Setting clear intentions for the day helps you create the kind of atmosphere that aligns with your needs.

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2. Managing Your Emotions (and the Drama)

Let’s face it—family can sometimes feel like a rollercoaster of emotions. One moment you’re laughing, and the next, someone asks that dreaded question about your love life or brings up an old family argument. But you don’t have to fall into that trap.

Here’s how to manage your emotions and protect your peace:

• Set boundaries early: If someone’s question feels too intrusive, it’s okay to gently shut it down. Try saying, “I’m not quite ready to talk about that yet, but I’d love to hear about your trip to the beach!”

• Take breaks: If things start to feel overwhelming, take a quick breather. Step outside for a moment, head to the bathroom for a deep breath, or take a walk around the block. Giving yourself that space can help reset your energy and refocus.

Remember, you don’t need to be everything for everyone. Your peace matters.

If you need more support or want to dive deeper into these topics, check out my latest course, How to Navigate Heartache, Healing & Love After Divorce, or join my community in How to Navigate Facebook group. And don’t forget to grab your copy of my upcoming book (details coming soon)! You’ve got this, and I’m here to help you every step of the way.

3. Avoiding the “Stuff It” Mentality—Food, Booze, and Emotional Overload

We all know the drill: food, booze, and emotions seem to collide during the holidays. And it’s easy to let stress or sadness lead us straight to the dessert table or the wine bottle. But it’s important to check in with yourself before overindulging.

Ask yourself: Am I hungry or just trying to distract myself from something? If it’s the latter, try taking a quick walk, journaling about how you’re feeling, or having a chat with a friend. It’s about finding healthier outlets for your emotions, rather than using food or alcohol as a crutch.

And if you do overindulge? No shame. It’s okay. Give yourself grace and move on. The point is not to let it derail the rest of your day.

4. Coping with an Empty Chair—When Someone’s Not There

Holidays can be especially tough when someone you love isn’t at the table. Whether it’s because of divorce, death, or distance, that empty chair can feel like a big, gaping hole in the celebration. It’s okay to feel sad, and it’s okay to miss them.

Here’s how you can honor the memory of a loved one without letting their absence take over the day:

• Create a small ritual: Light a candle, share a story about them, or even make their favorite dish. These little acts can help you feel connected to them.

• Allow yourself to grieve: It’s important to feel the sadness. You can still celebrate Thanksgiving and honor your loved one at the same time.

• Balance the feelings: Missing someone doesn’t mean you can’t also feel joy. It’s okay to experience both—grief and gratitude—simultaneously.

Remember, it’s your Thanksgiving. You get to decide how to handle the absence and what feels right for you.

5. How to Handle Holiday Conversations (Without Starting a Family Feud)

There’s nothing like a holiday dinner table to bring up all sorts of potentially awkward or heated conversations. Whether it’s politics, your love life, or someone else’s opinion about your choices, it can feel like there’s a landmine waiting to go off.

But you don’t have to engage in every conversation. Here are some tips:

• Redirect: If someone brings up something you’d rather avoid, try steering the conversation in a lighter direction. “I’d love to hear about your latest trip. Tell me all about it!”

• Deflect: If things get too spicy, gracefully change the topic. “Well, speaking of pie, I heard this year’s pumpkin is extra creamy—let’s talk about that!”

• Have a “Go-To” Line: If you’re caught off guard by a tricky question, a simple, “I’d rather not talk about that right now, but thanks for understanding” can work wonders.

In short, don’t feel like you need to engage in conversations that don’t serve you. Your peace is more important.

This Thanksgiving, I encourage you to take control of the day. Create the experience you want. Set boundaries, protect your energy, and honor the memory of loved ones who can’t be there. And most importantly, allow yourself to feel both the joy and the sadness that the season brings. It’s all part of the journey.

If you need help navigating this holiday season—or any season, really—don’t forget to check out my courses and the Dare to Begin membership. You’re not alone in this healing journey, and I’m here to help you every step of the way.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! Let’s dare to begin this beautiful season with peace, joy, and a whole lot of grace.

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With love and strength,
Nichole Banks
Divorce Coach & Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Dare to begin your journey to healing, happiness, and new beginnings. ✨
Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Creator of the Boundaries 101 Course

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P.S. If this post resonated with you, share it with someone who might need a little nudge to embrace change. Let’s spread the love—and the courage. 💛

The Nichole Banks Podcast:

Looking for a podcast that’s equal parts empowering and fun? The Nichole Banks Podcast is your ultimate guide to thriving after divorce. Hosted by Nichole Banks—a divorce recovery coach who’s been there, done that, and found love again—this show is packed with real talk, practical tips, and a dash of humor to keep it light.

Recent fan favorites include:
🎙️ Episode 83: Reinvent Your Wardrobe and Personal Style—because your next chapter deserves a killer outfit.
🎙️ Episode 80: How to Heal When No One Apologized—it’s all about boundaries, baby.
🎙️ Episode 74: Focus on Results, Not Failures—perfect for when solo life feels like a challenge.

Ready to laugh, learn, and level up? Subscribe to The Nichole Banks Podcast—your new best friend in your earbuds. ✨