Save This for When the Doubt Creeps In:

“Every time you wake up and choose not to go back to what broke you, you win." – Nichole Banks

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Save This for When the Doubt Creeps In: A Love Letter to the Woman Rebuilding

By Nichole Banks | Divorce Coach & Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast

Let’s be real: self-doubt isn’t subtle.

It doesn’t tiptoe in quietly with a whisper. No, no. It shows up loud and proud—wearing your old college hoodie, parked on your couch, sipping your coffee, and casually dropping lines like:

• “Are you sure you should’ve left?”

• “Maybe you’re just too damaged to be loved again.”

• “What if this… is as good as it gets?”

Oof. Right in the gut.

If you've ever heard these thoughts echo through your mind at 2 a.m. (or during that third cry of the day in the car), this one’s for you.

Doubt Isn’t Proof You’re Broken—It’s Proof You’re Healing

Contrary to what those glossy self-help books might tell you, healing isn’t a magical makeover montage. There's no quick-cut sequence of bubble baths, yoga poses, and suddenly dating a kind-hearted architect who bakes sourdough on weekends.

Real healing is messy. It's confusing. And yes—it often includes full-blown breakdowns in Target over bath mats.

But here’s the part we don’t hear enough: self-doubt shows up when you’re leveling up. It’s not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of growth.

Let’s break down the three biggest lies doubt loves to whisper (and exactly why they’re pure BS).

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Lie #1: “You should be over this by now.”

Excuse me, over what?

• The loss of a future you planned for?

• The death of an identity you nurtured for years?

• A relationship that shaped your days, your decisions, your damn holidays?

Yeah. You don’t just “get over” that with a bubble bath and a Pinterest quote.

Healing isn’t a race. It’s not a timeline. It’s a spiral.
Some days you feel unstoppable. Other days you’re crying into a throw pillow because a Fleetwood Mac song came on unexpectedly.

Both days are part of it. Both are allowed. And no—there’s no “healed by now” deadline.

Lie #2: “You’re too old, too broken, or too complicated to start over.”

First of all: you’re not expired milk. You’re vintage wine, babe. And the right person? They’ll sip slow and savor every drop.

Let’s get this straight:

• Age makes you wise—not irrelevant.

• Scars make you resilient—not damaged.

• Being “complicated”? That’s called depth. We don’t do basic around here.

Truth? You can start over. You can fall in love again. And you can do it on your terms, wearing whatever crown you damn well please.

Lie #3: “Maybe you’re the problem.”

Ah, the classic inner critic greatest hit.

Yes, you’ve made mistakes. So has literally every human on the planet. But blaming yourself for someone else’s inability to love you the way you needed? That’s not accountability—that’s self-punishment.

You’re not “the problem.”

You’re the one who survived, who’s still showing up, still choosing to believe that something beautiful can come next.

So let’s say this louder for the woman still doubting herself on the bathroom floor:

“Starting over doesn’t mean starting from scratch. You’re bringing wisdom, sass, soul, and fire into this next chapter.”

Here's What I Want You to Remember

Every time you…

• Wake up and choose not to go back to what broke you?
  You win.

• Cry, journal, scream-sing Alanis Morissette, or laugh till you snort with your girlfriends?
  You heal.

• Show up for yourself—even on the hard days?
  You grow.

You don’t have to shrink for love. You don’t have to “fix” yourself to be worthy. You don’t have to prove anything.

You already are worthy. Period.

And when doubt creeps in again (because it will), I want you to remember two simple, powerful words:

Watch. Me.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If this article hit home (and maybe hit a few nerves in the best way), don’t stop here. This kind of healing deserves support, community, and real tools—not just inspiration.

🎧 Listen to the full podcast episode here
💻 Explore my courses, women’s retreats, and the Dare to Begin Membership at nicholebanks.com
👯‍♀️ And don’t forget to share this with a friend who needs a reminder that healing is not a solo sport.

You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re just beginning. And around here? We call that brave.

Until next time—chin up, crown straight. Wine is optional, but always encouraged.

Dare to Begin,
Nichole 💛

P.S. Need a daily dose of inspiration, real talk, and a little sass on your healing journey?
Come hang with me on Instagram → @msnicholebanks
We’re talking growth, confidence, boundaries, and surviving divorce with grace and a killer sense of humor.

🎙️ The Nichole Banks Podcast is your go-to spot for honest conversations, healing strategies, and all the hope your heart can handle. Because yes, healing is hard—but it can be beautiful too.

👉 Click here to listen —new episodes drop weekly, each one bringing you closer to the you that’s been waiting to shine.

Nichole Banks
Divorce Coach & Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
✨ Creator of the Boundaries 101 Course
🌐 NicholeBanks.com

Don’t forget: Subscribe at NicholeBanks.com for weekly encouragement, empowering tools, and just the right amount of sass.

💛 Loved this post? Send it to your bestie or someone who needs a reminder that they’re allowed to start over—and that brave is always in style.

The Nichole Banks Podcast:

Looking for a podcast that’s equal parts empowering and fun? The Nichole Banks Podcast is your ultimate guide to thriving after divorce. Hosted by Nichole Banks—a divorce recovery coach who’s been there, done that, and found love again—this show is packed with real talk, practical tips, and a dash of humor to keep it light.

Recent fan favorites include:
🎙️ Episode: 107. How to Build Trust Again after a Bad Divorce?
🎙️ Episode: 103. Boundaries with Michaela Gaffin Stone
🎙️ Episode: 100. The Real Pain of Not Changing

Ready to laugh, learn, and level up? Subscribe to The Nichole Banks Podcast—your new best friend in your earbuds. ✨