Breaking Free is Often the Most Courageous Choice You Can Make
“Breaking free isn’t the end of your story—it’s the start of the chapter where you finally choose yourself.” – Nichole Banks
Hello Beautiful,
There comes a moment in every woman’s journey when she realizes that staying where she is hurts more than leaving. Maybe you’ve been battling the decision to walk away from a marriage that no longer serves you. Maybe you’ve already made the choice, and now you’re sitting with the weight of it, wondering how to move forward.
Let’s be real—breaking free isn’t easy. It’s messy. It’s terrifying. And yet, it’s often the bravest thing you will ever do. But bravery doesn’t mean you have to do it alone, and it certainly doesn’t mean you have to suffer through the transition without a plan. So, how can you make it easier on yourself after choosing to break free? Let’s talk about it.
My Story: When Enough Was Enough
I know firsthand how hard it is to make this choice. He continued to cheat on me. I had the lowest self-worth and self-esteem, convincing myself that staying was better than being alone. Until one day, I realized—I deserve better. I deserve healthier. And if I couldn’t have that, I would be okay on my own. I couldn’t continue down a path where I felt sick each minute he was past the time he said he’d be home. That moment changed everything. It wasn’t easy, but choosing myself was the best decision I ever made. And you can do it too.
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Common Fears and How to Overcome Them
1. Fear of Being Alone
It’s natural to fear loneliness after leaving a relationship, especially one that lasted years. But being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely. This is a chance to reconnect with yourself, rediscover your passions, and build a life that truly reflects you. Fill your time with people who uplift you, activities that bring you joy, and moments of self-care that remind you of your worth.
2. Fear of Financial Instability
Money worries are real, but they’re not insurmountable. Start by creating a clear financial plan—list your income, expenses, and where you can cut back or seek additional support. Look into financial coaching, side hustles, or career growth opportunities that will empower you to stand on your own. Knowledge is power, and taking control of your finances will boost your confidence.
3. Fear of Judgment from Others
Whether it’s family, friends, or even strangers, there will always be opinions about your choices. But remember: they are not living your life—you are. Surround yourself with those who support you and distance yourself from negativity. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for choosing your happiness.
4. Fear of the Unknown
Starting over can feel like stepping into the dark, but what if that darkness is just a tunnel leading to something better? Shift your mindset from fearing the unknown to embracing the possibilities. Make small, intentional choices each day that build toward a future you’re excited about.
5. Fear of Regret
Doubt will creep in, and nostalgia can make the past seem rosier than it was. When this happens, remind yourself of the reality—the moments you felt unworthy, the tears you shed, the way your body and mind screamed for something better. Keep a journal of your reasons for leaving, and read them when doubt whispers in your ear.
If you need more support or want to dive deeper into these topics, check out my latest course, How to Navigate Heartache, Healing & Love After Divorce, or join my community in How to Navigate Facebook group. And don’t forget to grab your copy of my upcoming book (details coming soon)! You’ve got this, and I’m here to help you every step of the way.
How to Move Forward with Confidence
1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve and Celebrate
Divorce is a loss, even if it’s the right decision. You’re not just letting go of a partner—you’re letting go of dreams, routines, and an entire chapter of your life. Grieve what needs grieving. Cry, scream into a pillow, write an angry letter you’ll never send. But also, give yourself permission to celebrate. You made a choice for yourself. You are stepping into a new chapter where you get to decide what happiness looks like. That’s powerful.
2. Surround Yourself with Support
You don’t have to do this alone. Seek out friends who uplift you, join a divorce support group, or work with a coach who understands what you’re going through (hey, I happen to know a good one!). Community is everything. When self-doubt creeps in (because it will), having people remind you why you made this choice will be a lifeline.
3. Rewrite the Narrative
It’s easy to spiral into thoughts of failure or shame. But let’s flip the script. You didn’t “fail” at marriage—you succeeded in choosing yourself. You didn’t “give up”—you grew up and realized you deserve more. Words matter, and how you speak to yourself will shape your healing.
4. Prioritize Your Well-being
Divorce is emotionally and physically draining, so self-care isn’t just a luxury—it’s a necessity. Move your body, even if it’s just a walk around the block. Nourish yourself with foods that make you feel good. Get enough sleep (yes, even if that means putting your phone on do not disturb and ignoring late-night overthinking). Treat yourself like someone you love—because you should.
5. Create a Vision for What’s Next
One of the hardest parts of leaving is the uncertainty of what comes next. Instead of fearing the unknown, get excited about it. What have you always wanted to do but never had the space for? Travel? Take up a new hobby? Redecorate your home exactly the way you want? This is your time to dream again. Make a vision board, journal your goals, and start taking small steps toward the life you want.
6. Remind Yourself Why You Left
There will be moments when you doubt yourself. Nostalgia has a funny way of making us remember the good and forget the bad. When this happens, ground yourself in the truth. Write down the reasons why you made this choice and keep them where you can see them. Future you will thank you for it.
7. Dare to Begin Again
Breaking free is an ending, but it’s also a beginning. And beginnings, while scary, are full of possibility. You are not broken. You are not alone. You are becoming. And that, my friend, is the bravest thing of all.
If you’re navigating the wild, beautiful, messy road of divorce and need guidance, support, or just someone to remind you of your own strength, you know where to find me. Tune into The Nichole Banks Podcast, where we dive deep into healing, confidence, and rebuilding a life you love. Let’s dare to begin—together.
Have you recently made the choice to break free? Share your thoughts, your fears, or your wins in the comments. Let’s build each other up!
With love and strength,
Nichole Banks
Divorce Coach & Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Dare to begin your journey to healing, happiness, and new beginnings. ✨
Creator of the Boundaries 101 Course
Follow Me:
Instagram: @msnicholebanks
Website: nicholebanks.com
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P.S. If this post resonated with you, share it with someone who might need a little nudge to embrace change. Let’s spread the love—and the courage. 💛
The Nichole Banks Podcast:
Looking for a podcast that’s equal parts empowering and fun? The Nichole Banks Podcast is your ultimate guide to thriving after divorce. Hosted by Nichole Banks—a divorce recovery coach who’s been there, done that, and found love again—this show is packed with real talk, practical tips, and a dash of humor to keep it light.
Recent fan favorites include:
🎙️ Episode: 107. How to Build Trust Again after a Bad Divorce?
🎙️ Episode: 103. Boundaries with Michaela Gaffin Stone
🎙️ Episode: 100. The Real Pain of Not Changing
Ready to laugh, learn, and level up? Subscribe to The Nichole Banks Podcast—your new best friend in your earbuds. ✨
