The Real Pain of Not Changing
"Change might feel uncomfortable, but staying stuck in the same place is far more painful. The life you deserve is waiting on the other side of one brave decision." – Nichole Banks
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Hello Beautiful, let’s get real for a second: change is hard. Like, wearing-white-jeans-to-an-Italian-restaurant hard. It’s messy, uncomfortable, and full of “what ifs.” But here’s the kicker—it’s the pain of not changing that truly cuts deep. Trust me, I know.
For years, I clung to the idea that staying the same was easier. I told myself, This is just who I am. Things will work out eventually. But spoiler alert: they didn’t. Instead, I found myself stuck in the same patterns, spinning my wheels, wondering why nothing was improving. And let me tell you, the pain of staying stuck was worse than any fear I had about changing.
So, let’s talk about it: why we resist change, why it hurts to stay the same, and how to start shifting, even if it’s one baby step at a time.
Why Staying the Same Feels Safe—but Isn’t
If you’ve ever resisted change, it’s probably because staying the same feels, well, comfortable. Even if you’re not particularly happy, at least you know what to expect, right? That toxic relationship, that self-doubt, that never-ending cycle of “I’ll start tomorrow.” It’s like living in a house that’s falling apart but refusing to move because it’s got a cozy couch.
But here’s the truth: that comfort? It’s a trap. Staying the same keeps you stuck in a loop of missed opportunities, drained energy, and, honestly, disappointment. Sure, change might feel like jumping into cold water, but staying where you are feels like sinking in quicksand.
The Real Cost of Not Changing
Let me paint you a picture. Imagine you’re baking a cake, but no matter how many times you try, it comes out flat. You use the same ingredients, the same recipe, the same oven settings. What’s the definition of insanity again? Oh, right—doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
That’s exactly what resisting change feels like. You think, Maybe this time will be different. But without changing your approach, nothing improves. And slowly but surely, you start to feel the weight of it. Relationships become strained. Your confidence takes a hit. Your dreams feel further away than ever.
The cost of not changing isn’t just the life you’re living now—it’s the life you’re missing out on.
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Fear: The Ultimate Frenemy
Let’s be honest—fear plays a starring role in why we don’t change. Fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Fear of the unknown. It whispers in your ear, What if you try and it doesn’t work out? What if you make things worse?
But here’s the thing about fear: it’s a liar. It wants to keep you safe, sure, but it also keeps you small. And I don’t know about you, but I’m not here to live a small life.
If you need more support or want to dive deeper into these topics, check out my latest course, How to Navigate Heartache, Healing & Love After Divorce, or join my community in How to Navigate Facebook group. And don’t forget to grab your copy of my upcoming book (details coming soon)! You’ve got this, and I’m here to help you every step of the way.
The Magic of Change
Now let’s talk about the other side of change—the freedom, the empowerment, the deep exhale after holding your breath for way too long.
When I finally stopped resisting change and started embracing it, everything shifted. And no, it didn’t happen overnight. It was a series of small, seemingly insignificant steps. Setting boundaries, letting go of self-doubt, learning to trust myself again. And guess what? Those tiny steps added up to a massive transformation.
The best part? Change doesn’t have to be this big, scary overhaul. It’s about showing up for yourself, even when you don’t feel like it. It’s about choosing to believe in a brighter future, even when the path feels unclear.
How to Start Changing (Without Overwhelming Yourself)
If the idea of change feels like a mountain you’re not ready to climb, don’t worry—I’ve got you. Change doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. It’s about starting small and building momentum.
Get Honest with Yourself
Ask yourself: What’s not working? Is it a habit? A relationship? A mindset? Awareness is the first step toward transformation.Set Tiny Intentions
Instead of overhauling your life, pick one small thing to focus on. Maybe it’s carving out 10 minutes for self-care or saying “no” to something that drains your energy.Celebrate Every Win
Every tiny step forward is a victory. Celebrate them all—even the baby steps. They’re proof that you’re moving in the right direction.Find Your People
Change is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. Surround yourself with people who will cheer you on, hold you accountable, and remind you why you started in the first place.
Dare to Begin
Here’s the bottom line: the pain of not changing will always outweigh the discomfort of taking that first step. You deserve more than a life of “good enough.” You deserve growth, freedom, and joy.
So, what’s one small change you can make today? Start there. And if you need a little extra support, check out my Dare to Begin membership, my courses, or one-on-one coaching. Let’s make this change thing a little less scary—and a whole lot more empowering.
Remember, you don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to dare to begin.
If you need more support or want to dive deeper into these topics, check out my latest course, How to Navigate Heartache, Healing & Love After Divorce, or join my community in How to Navigate Facebook group. And don’t forget to grab your copy of my upcoming book (details coming soon)! You’ve got this, and I’m here to help you every step of the way.
With love and strength,
Nichole Banks
Divorce Coach & Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Dare to begin your journey to healing, happiness, and new beginnings. ✨
Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Creator of the Boundaries 101 Course
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P.S. If this post resonated with you, share it with someone who might need a little nudge to embrace change. Let’s spread the love—and the courage. 💛
The Nichole Banks Podcast:
Looking for a podcast that’s equal parts empowering and fun? The Nichole Banks Podcast is your ultimate guide to thriving after divorce. Hosted by Nichole Banks—a divorce recovery coach who’s been there, done that, and found love again—this show is packed with real talk, practical tips, and a dash of humor to keep it light.
Recent fan favorites include:
🎙️ Episode 83: Reinvent Your Wardrobe and Personal Style—because your next chapter deserves a killer outfit.
🎙️ Episode 80: How to Heal When No One Apologized—it’s all about boundaries, baby.
🎙️ Episode 74: Focus on Results, Not Failures—perfect for when solo life feels like a challenge.
Ready to laugh, learn, and level up? Subscribe to The Nichole Banks Podcast—your new best friend in your earbuds. ✨
