Who Get's The Friends?
Divorce doesn’t just end a marriage—it reshuffles your friendships. Some drift, some surprise you, and some prove they were never really yours to begin with.” – Nichole Banks
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Who Gets the Friends After Divorce? The Social Fallout Nobody Talks About
When people talk about divorce, they warn you about the paperwork, the lawyers, the loneliness, and the finances. But do you know what no one really talks about?
The friend custody battle.
Yep, I said it. Because let’s be real: divorce doesn’t just divide a marriage—it reshuffles your entire social life.
The Social Fallout Nobody Prepares You For
One day, you’re going to brunch with “the couple friends,” and the next? You’re side-eyeing the invite wondering, “Wait, is he going to be there too?”
And then there’s the family curveball: what if you actually like his sister better than you liked him? What’s the etiquette on that—do you return her like a borrowed casserole dish, or keep her in the breakup?
It’s awkward. It’s messy. And it can feel like middle school cafeteria politics all over again—only now there’s wine.
Why It Hurts So Much
It’s not just about invites. It’s about loyalty. About realizing some people weren’t actually there for you—they were there for the couple.
Friendship breakups sting in ways even divorce doesn’t. Because these are the people who knew your secrets, cheered your wins, and helped you carry the heavy groceries. Losing them can feel like a second kind of heartbreak.
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How to Navigate the Friend Custody Shuffle
Accept the shake-up. Not every friend will stay. And that’s okay—some were just in your life for that chapter.
Release with grace. If they pick sides, let them. Don’t waste energy chasing people who don’t want to stay.
Handle family wisely. If you love his sister, you can stay in touch. Just know the relationship might shift. Keep it healthy, not messy.
Build new tribes. This is your chance to meet people who are here for you, not for the couple version of you. Join a class, find a group, start fresh.
Stay drama-free. Don’t use mutual friends as a venting spot about your ex. The truth always reveals itself—no force needed.
My Friend Custody Story
When I went through divorce, I watched my circle rearrange itself overnight. Some friends I thought were ride-or-dies? Gone. Quiet exits.
And it stung.
But the ones who stayed? The ones who called and said, “I’m here for YOU, not for both of you”? They became my chosen family. And that’s the kind of friendship worth holding on to.
A Thought for You
So here’s my question: Who’s really in your corner right now? Not in the couple’s corner. Not on the sidelines. But in your corner.
The answer might surprise you—and it might feel shorter than you’d like. But that’s okay, because the ones who stay? They’re gold.
The Takeaway
Divorce doesn’t just split a marriage. It reshuffles your entire social deck. Some cards stay, some fall away, and some brand-new ones come into your hand.
And babe, the truth is simple: you get to keep the friends who clap for you in this new chapter. Everyone else? Let them go.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If this article hit home (and maybe hit a few nerves in the best way), don’t stop here. This kind of healing deserves support, community, and real tools—not just inspiration.
🎧 Listen to the full podcast episode here
💻 Explore my courses, women’s retreats, and the Dare to Begin Membership at nicholebanks.com
👯♀️ And don’t forget to share this with a friend who needs a reminder that healing is not a solo sport.
💛 Dare to Begin
If this hit home, you’ll love my latest episode of The Nichole Banks Podcast, where I spill all the tea on “Who Gets the Friends?” (including the story about the sister—because yes, it’s a thing).
And tell me over on Instagram @msnicholebanks: Did YOU keep his sister? 👀 Because seriously, I need to know.
Chin up. Crown straight. Brunch crew optional. Dare to Begin. 💛
~Nichole Banks
Nichole Banks
Divorce Coach & Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
✨ Creator of the Boundaries 101 Course
🌐 NicholeBanks.com
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The Nichole Banks Podcast:
Looking for a podcast that’s equal parts empowering and fun? The Nichole Banks Podcast is your ultimate guide to thriving after divorce. Hosted by Nichole Banks—a divorce recovery coach who’s been there, done that, and found love again—this show is packed with real talk, practical tips, and a dash of humor to keep it light.
Recent fan favorites include:
🎙️ Episode: 107. How to Build Trust Again after a Bad Divorce?
🎙️ Episode: 103. Boundaries with Michaela Gaffin Stone
🎙️ Episode: 100. The Real Pain of Not Changing
Ready to laugh, learn, and level up? Subscribe to The Nichole Banks Podcast—your new best friend in your earbuds. ✨
