Steal My 10-Step Formula to Heal Your Heart
"After divorce, the most important relationship you'll ever nurture is the one with yourself. Prioritize your healing, your joy, and your peace—because when you take care of you, everything else falls into place."– Nichole Banks
Hello Beautiful,
Divorce is like an emotional tornado. One minute you're standing in your kitchen, debating what to make for dinner, and the next you're trying to figure out who you are without the title "wife." It’s a lot, especially when it’s your second go-around. But here’s the thing—this chapter isn’t about what you’ve lost; it’s about what you’re about to gain.
When I crafted this 10-step formula, it wasn’t out of thin air—it was born from experience, trial, and a whole lot of error. I’ve been through the ringer of heartbreak (twice) and tried everything from bubble baths to spontaneous trips to Europe. Some things worked like magic, and others, well... let’s just say they didn’t make the cut. What you’re about to steal isn’t just a list of tips; it’s a roadmap that helped me not only survive divorce but come out the other side stronger, happier, and unapologetically me. Let’s dive into 10 simple self-care tips to help you navigate this season of life with grace, grit, and maybe a little bit of glitter.
1. Make Mornings Sacred
Start your day with intention. Light a candle, sip your coffee slowly, or write in a journal. Even ten minutes of calm can set the tone for the rest of the day. No more rushing to meet someone else’s expectations—this time is for you.
2. Get Moving
Whether it’s yoga, a dance class, or just walking the dog, moving your body helps shake off the emotional cobwebs. Bonus: You’ll feel stronger and more in control, one step (or Zumba shuffle) at a time.
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3. Declutter Your Space
Your home is your sanctuary. Ditch anything that doesn’t serve you anymore—yes, even that “useless” kitchen gadget he swore you needed. Surround yourself with things that make you feel good.
And don’t stop there—declutter your online space, too. Who needs constant updates about your ex’s latest adventures? Unfollow, unfriend, or mute anyone who doesn’t bring joy or peace to your digital world. Trust me, your mental wellbeing will thank you. Need a nudge? Join my 3-Week Declutter Challenge (Scroll to the bottom of the page for the challenge) for free and get your life—and your mind—organized in ways you didn’t even realize you needed.
4. Reclaim Your Time
Ever wanted to binge-watch a show guilt-free? Do it. Missed hobbies like painting or gardening? Dive back in. Your time is yours again; spend it unapologetically.
If you need more support or want to dive deeper into these topics, check out my latest course, How to Navigate Heartache, Healing & Love After Divorce, or join my community in How to Navigate Facebook group. And don’t forget to grab your copy of my upcoming book (details coming soon)! You’ve got this, and I’m here to help you every step of the way.
5. Reconnect with Friends
Those coffee dates and phone calls? They’re not just social outings—they’re lifelines. Your friends love you, even when you’re a mess. Let them remind you how amazing you are.
When I went through my second divorce, I remember avoiding my closest friends because I felt like I was burdening them with my pain. But one day, my best friend Jen practically dragged me out of the house for brunch. Over mimosas and endless laughter, I realized how much I had missed that connection. They didn’t see me as broken; they saw me as me. Rebuilding those relationships reminded me that I’m not alone and gave me the confidence to start putting myself out there again. Trust me, your friends want to be there for you. Let them in.
6. Set Boundaries Like a Boss
This is the perfect time to practice saying “no.” No to drama, no to toxic people, and no to anything that doesn’t align with the new you.
I’ll never forget the first time I firmly told someone, “No, that doesn’t work for me.” It was my well-meaning but pushy cousin who kept inviting me to couples’ events, insisting I “just needed to get out there.” I’d always felt obligated to go along with her plans, but this time I stood my ground. Saying no felt awkward at first, but it quickly turned into empowering. Setting boundaries taught me that I could protect my energy and prioritize what I truly needed to heal.
Need help? My Boundaries 101 course might be just the ticket.
7. Nourish Yourself—Literally and Emotionally
Skip the drive-thru (most of the time, anyway) and treat your body to real, nourishing food. Eating well isn’t just about your waistline—it’s about how you feel. And while we’re talking nourishment, let’s not skip over the most underrated ingredient for emotional wellbeing: sleep. Ladies, you have to get sleep. Set a bedtime, stick to it, and watch how much better you feel emotionally and physically. I can’t stress this enough—it’s the ultimate self-care secret.
8. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Here’s the truth: It’s okay to be sad. Sit with those feelings, cry if you need to, and don’t judge yourself for it. Healing starts with acknowledging the hurt. Let yourself mourn the loss of what was, so you can make room for what will be. It’s not a linear process, and that’s okay. Grief is a messy but necessary part of healing.
For me, this looked like journaling through tears one night and laughing at a rom-com the next. Some days I felt on top of the world, and other days I couldn’t even open the curtains. Allow yourself to experience all the emotions without guilt—it’s part of the journey.
9. Practice Gratitude
It might sound impossible right now, but finding even one thing to be thankful for each day can shift your mindset. Maybe it’s your cozy bed, your dog’s tail wag, or your morning latte. Gratitude doesn’t have to be monumental; it’s about finding the tiny bright spots that make life a little sweeter. Over time, these small moments add up and remind you that joy is still possible—even in the midst of heartache.
I keep a journal by my bed and jot down three things I’m grateful for every night. Some days, it’s big stuff like a breakthrough in therapy. Other days, it’s as simple as “I made it through today.” Celebrate those wins—big and small.
10. Invest in Your Growth
This is the time to pour into yourself. Read the books, take the classes, and embrace the learning. My course, How to Navigate Heartache, Healing, and Love After Divorce, is a step-by-step guide to reclaiming your confidence and finding joy again.
Divorce isn’t the end; it’s the beginning of a beautiful transformation. Time does heal, but it’s what you do with that time that makes the real difference. With the right tools and mindset, you can cut that healing time in half and start living your best, most authentic life.
So go ahead—take the leap. Because you, my friend, are worth it. Let’s dare to begin this next chapter together. You’ve got this.
Ready for more tips and inspiration? Tune into The Nichole Banks Podcast for a deeper dive into navigating heartache, healing, and creating a life you love. Let’s thrive together!
With love and strength,
Nichole Banks
Divorce Coach & Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Dare to begin your journey to healing, happiness, and new beginnings. ✨
Host of The Nichole Banks Podcast
Creator of the Boundaries 101 Course
Follow Me:
Instagram: @msnicholebanks
Website: nicholebanks.com
Don’t forget to subscribe to NicholeBanks.com for weekly tips and fun updates!
P.S. If this post resonated with you, share it with someone who might need a little nudge to embrace change. Let’s spread the love—and the courage. 💛
The Nichole Banks Podcast:
Looking for a podcast that’s equal parts empowering and fun? The Nichole Banks Podcast is your ultimate guide to thriving after divorce. Hosted by Nichole Banks—a divorce recovery coach who’s been there, done that, and found love again—this show is packed with real talk, practical tips, and a dash of humor to keep it light.
Recent fan favorites include:
🎙️ Episode: 107. How to Build Trust Again after a Bad Divorce?
🎙️ Episode: 103. Boundaries with Michaela Gaffin Stone
🎙️ Episode: 100. The Real Pain of Not Changing
Ready to laugh, learn, and level up? Subscribe to The Nichole Banks Podcast—your new best friend in your earbuds. ✨
